First off, let me say that this is a rather lovely set up of materials, colours, and composition. As for the painting itself: You have a good eye for colours, by the looks of it, and your shading is solid. I would say, however, that you lack refinement. The shapes are all soft edged, as is the shading. Detail is lacking; perhaps another pass over. In short then, some general refinement, neatening and strengthening of some edges and more control of the shape of objects. Otherwise a very good piece.
I think this piece shows great potential for you as an artist and I hope to see more from you. I love the concept, the layout, the flow and the colors. Keep up the great work I think you’re on to something here. A sincere artist is not one who makes a faithful attempt to put on to canvas what is in front of him, but one who tries to create something which is, in itself, a living thing and I think that is what you have achieved here today. Thank you for all your hard work, keep it up.